Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Benjamin Ong, a first-year mechanical design and manufacturing student studying at SIT. I am writing this introductory letter, hoping you will understand me better.
Unlike the majority of the students in my class, my educational journey has been a long and fruitful one. After my ‘N’ levels in secondary 4, I enrolled in the Institute of Technical Education (ITE), studying mechanical engineering instead of pursuing an ‘O’ level certificate. I did this because I felt that the secondary school curriculum was not beneficial for a hands-on learner like myself. In ITE, I gained my love for engineering through my lecturer. He would constantly help me and my friends with our pet projects, no matter how crazy they were. He made us believe that even though we are from ITE, we can still make a name for ourselves. After getting my certificate from ITE, I furthered my studies at Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Although the jump was significant, I was determined to improve as an engineer.
One of my strengths lies in my ability to get my point across and influence the people around me. As the captain of my canoe polo team, I have to inspire and motivate my team. I do this by setting a high standard for myself, hoping to ignite them to push their boundaries. An area where I have identified the need for growth is over-explaining. This issue has led to many disagreements and arguments as people feel I am micromanaging.
My goal for this module is to improve my writing skills. Being a Navy officer, the term “staff work” was commonly used. I got called out by my superiors on my grammatical errors and the way I structured my sentences. Additionally, I would like to improve my presentation skills as it will benefit me in the future.
Most friends say my journey post-secondary school was special or unique and I completely agree with them. Although my journey was long, I am grateful for everything, as every challenge presents an opportunity to learn, shaping me into the person I am today.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I look forward to learning from you in class.
Regards,
Benjamin Ong
Edit #1: Grammer mistakes and over use of caps.
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ReplyDeleteHello Bong,
ReplyDeleteIt's an encouraging story you have published that inspires all of us to do our best whether be it in academics or life in general. It was well-written and flows smoothly when I read it.
It is great that you have set goals to improve your own strengths , have you tried communicating clearly with your canoe polo team to let them know of your goals so that they might not judge you wrongly when you are doing what's best for the team?
Regards
Zhi Xiang
Hi Zhi Xiang,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. Yes, I do communicate with my team and they know about my high expectations. I can probably improve on my tone and delivery as it might sound too harsh at times.
Once again, thank you and see you in class.
Dear Bong,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this upbeat and informative letter. You address the key components of the brief and provide interesting details. I really appreciate how you describe the nature of your journey, with a strong focus on how positive that has been, even when "the jump was significant."
I'm also impressed by the optimistic values expressed by the language use in this letter. Take this sentence as an example: "An area where I have identified the need for growth is over-explaining." That is an admirable use of language, turning what could be expressed negatively (a weakness) into an opportunity. The positive spin effect is shown everal times in the post, indeed "shaping" you, as you have said, " into the person I am today."
There are a few minor language issues in this otherwise fluent post:
1. consistent verb tense usage
-- As the captain of my canoe polo team, I had to inspire and motivate my team. I do this by setting a high standard for myself, hoping to ignite them to push their boundaries. > (past or present?)
2. overuse of caps
-- a first-year Mechanical Design and Manufacturing student > ?
All in all, however, this is fluent and well expressed.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for the kind words and I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my post. I will edit the language issues that you have brought up.
Regards,
Benjamin Ong